Abide
Extremely annoyed, I put back the fifth cropped shirt I’d pulled out at Target. I was on a hunt to find something for this postpartum body and those were not going to cut it. It felt as if I’d only been there fifteen minutes, but I thought I should probably check the time. Sure enough, my hour was up.
I couldn’t believe it went that quickly. How does the hour before Brock gets home seem to stand still and yet when I am out by myself it literally flies? As I made my way to the checkout I looked down at my cart; diapers for Trey and coffee, the essentials these days. I was annoyed I found nothing for myself, angry at how quickly that time just went and frustrated I only got an hour to myself.
I stewed all the way home, thinking how did my life get to this point? I didn’t choose this! Instead of being refreshed walking in the door, I was bitter. As Brock and I talked that night I shared thoughts most people keep in their head. Brock didn’t especially appreciate what I had to say and we went to sleep that night in the same bed, but on different planets. Can anyone relate?
The following week I was sitting in a lady’s living room from our church. As I asked her how I could pray, she then reciprocated the question. I paused for a moment, do I really share? And then I said something along the lines of, “Honestly, I’m struggling to find joy as a mom to four kids right now.” She smiled and said let’s pray.
About half way through her prayer the Lord hit me over the head. She asked that I would abide in Him. I’m pretty sure I looked up as soon as she said that. I was brought right back to the NICU where the Lord showed me I wasn’t abiding and didn’t really know how to. It was in the NICU I was convicted of it and knew the Lord was calling me to abide in a new way with the twins. But as the grind of each day passed since being home, I had lost my source and was relying fully on myself.
Teary, I thanked her. As I drove home I was now frustrated at myself. How had I gotten so far away? How do I truly abide in Him in the everyday routines and not just during certain events in my life?
I haven’t found the solution and am confident I will never “arrive” in this area. But here is what I am learning.
"I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing.” John 15:5
I have this picture in my head of the vine and branch daily. What use is a branch on the ground? Typically used to play fetch, burned in a fire, stomped on by walkers. When it is disconnected it has much less of an appealing purpose. But when it is connected to the vine, it’s part of a tree you have to look up into the sky at. You no longer see just the branch but the whole entity. It’s all connected. It is one.
How true is that for my own life? I often feel like the branch on the ground when I have not been with the Lord or am not renewing my mind with His truths. But when I have, when I am connected to the vine (Jesus) and am being encouraged with what He says for my life. I am more likely to emulate His characteristics throughout my day.
“I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit. Already you are clean because of the word that I have spoken to you. Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me.” John 15:1-4
He is pruning me to show more of Him. Daily, there is a choice: we can either run to Him or run away from Him. Based on these verses, I’d much rather be seen as the whole tree where Christ is shining through me, than the branch on the ground. But oh Lord, I need your help daily in this. How often I would just rather REACT than stop, breathe, think and then ACT.
“By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples. As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commandments and abide in his love. These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.” John 15:8-11
The Father loves me. He loves you. And when we are abiding in Him and in His love it produces a joy that’s unshaken. Not to be confused with happiness, that’s momentary, JOY is a fruit of the spirit, a result of abiding and it so much greater than just being happy.
In your waiting…abide in His time.
In your grief…abide in His comfort.
In your weariness…abide in His rest.
In your need…abide in His faithfulness.
The Lord was already doing a great work in my heart with this, but then Brock’s first message of the New Year was on abiding. Alright Lord, I get it. I am absolutely biased, but it challenged me and encouraged me greatly and I know it will do the same for you. Make some time in your day to listen to it.