It's Been A Year
There is much rejoicing in celebrating Ayden and Elle’s first birthday, but also with it has come that “what just happened?” feeling. I remember saying when I found out I was pregnant, “If I can just get to a year!” And here we are. One. Exact. Year. Later. A year that was simultaneously the longest and fastest year of my life.
There were so many answered prayers in this last year: being able to breastfeed the whole time, watching the Lord provide every need we had, seeing the church rally around us in support. It was truly incredible to feel God’s presence even when I struggled to see Him.
It really does get better and we were told that. It’s the coolest thing to watch two babies at the same time and see their differences come out. It’s incredible to feel your love grow for each baby individually, something I feared and a reason I never wanted twins (Yes, I said prior to the twins I would never want two at a time because how do you love each baby uniquely for what they need? Ya’ll God has a sense of humor and it’s humbling)! It’s amazing to look back and see how much growth happens in yourself when you’re in the midst of a whole lotta selflessness.
I remember a lady kindly speaking into me, “Don’t you wonder why God would choose you to love two babies at the same time? It’s such a blessing isn’t it?” At the time I couldn’t grasp what she was saying, but the older Ayden and Elle are getting the more I am understanding.
Ayden is the oldest by 10 minutes and so far has proved himself by accomplishing all motor skills first besides getting teeth (Elle beat him in that). He was our chill one (minus sleeping) for the first 7 months and then started showing his true colors. He’s a bit sensitive (in true Graham boy form) and likes to make it known when he hasn’t gotten his way and is already throwing fits. He’s our early 5am(ish) riser, crosses his feet while sitting, and kicks with excitement just like Casen did. Ayden has such a sweet grin and scrunches his nose when he is happy. He enjoys food just as much as milk but is partial to the fruit. He throws what he is dissatisfied with off his tray and onto the floor with authority. He’s adventurous and quietly sneaky; before we know it he is out the door and down the driveway just trying to keep up with the older brothers or down the hallway and up the stairs before we can grab him.
Elle’s personality has changed more than I would have ever fathomed. She was so fussy the first seven months. Looking back I definitely think it was colic. But whats crazy is around the six month mark she totally changed. Although she didn’t nap during the day, she would sleep better than Ayden at night. And then of course they flopped as Elle began napping better but Ayden started to fight it (Ayden just fights sleep in general). You can’t have it all, especially when there are two!
Elle is so sweet now. She loves face to face interaction. She will just sit with you and hold your face to give you kisses. She’s my cuddle bug but also a little feisty. Girlfriend can hold her own! She is our toughest of the bunch, and I prayed for that as she stayed longer in the NICU. If you aren’t giving her the attention she wants, or especially when Brock comes home if he doesn’t pick her up right away, she will sit up pounding her heels to the floor, fists-clenched while screaming until she gets held. When Elle has been just completely neglected she will cry with her face to the floor and lay totally flat continuing to cry but occasionally looking up to see if anyone is coming. She loves her food and will twirl her feet in delight just as Trey did while eating. We can’t keep it on her tray fast enough. Although she flopped sleeping with Ayden they have both evened out at only waking up about once a night on a good night. We’ve even had two nights of them not waking up at all!
They’ve started pestering each other, and watching them interact brings a smile to my face. Once they could pull themselves up onto things they started immediately doing so in their cribs to stare at each other and steal each other’s pacifiers. If one is playing with something the other is not far behind wanting to be right in the action or attempting to steal it from the other!
I had felt like celebrating leading up to today. This true sense of, “We did it!! We made it!!! We survived the first year and we are still somewhat sane!” I had pictured in my head of being more intentional with the twins today: more on the floor time, eye to eye, giving them my best.
Then the Lord humbles you. We needed some essentials and the best time to go is after their morning nap. So we loaded up and went to Target out of convenience. About 30 seconds after we got into the store the twins were over it. They proceeded to arch down against the buckle in the cart, voicing their dissatisfaction with their current situation the rest of our 20 minute trip. Finally after finding all the things we needed, we went to look for a check out line only to find there was, of course, only one lane open. I turn back around to go to the self checkout because I couldn’t wait another minute.
I get all the kids loaded up in the car and as I am pulling back into my neighborhood a paralyzing thought came over me. I didn’t pay for that! I have no receipt! I just walked out of target with a $100 bill unpaid for! Immediately I called and explained the situation and that I could give them my credit card number over the phone to pay for the items. Very confused she asked me again, “Wait, so you just forgot to pay?”
“Yes, yes I did.” I said. “I had four kids beyond ready to leave and I completely forgot to pay. I’m so sorry.”
“Well we can’t do that over the phone anyway. You’re going to need to come back for us to ring the items up and we will see what we can do for you.”
Great. I turned around as Casen is yelling, “Mom, you’re going the wrong way! Mom, why are we going back to Target?” And Trey is loudly informing me of how hunnggeeeyyy he is. And yes, the twins were still screaming. I called Brock to tell him the police might be waiting for me at the store and back in we all shuffled.
The lady was super kind and gracious. Embarrassed, hangry myself, and now holding Elle we proceeded back out with our items for the second time. This time, though, I had a smaller cart so not everything was fitting well. I was holding Elle and pushing the cart so after the second time the wipes fell in the parking lot I asked Casen to pick them up. As he bent down to pick them up I noticed he couldn’t open his hand closest to me. I looked closer and couldn’t believe it. Right there, gripped tightly in Casen’s hand was a little bag of halloween witch erasers
“CASEN! Did you take that from the dollar bin?!” He just stared at me. “Oh my word” Was all I could get out. I wanted to crumple right there in the middle of the Target parking lot. Back. In. We. Went. This time with authority. I made no eye contact. I continued to holler for the boys to keep up, threw the erasers in the nearest bin I could reach and circled around to exit. For the the third time in less than an hour I left Target with my four kids and my groceries.
Moral of the story: Stay humble. Have little expectations for your day. Give grace. Extend patience. Love those around you even when it is exhaustingly defeating.
The day was redeemed in the last hour of the day when we gave the twins their first ice cream cone in honor of their birthday. They dove RIGHT in, and it was so fun to watch them enjoy every lick and bite. We gave tubby’s, fed, read, and prayed. Goodnight to my one year olds. It’s been a year and it was most definitely a day, but like every other day, we survived and we saw God in it.
Happy Birthday babies.
