Micah Tyler seems to be the twins jam man. When they were babies the only song that seemed to soothe them, especially Elle, was Even Then. Then about a month or so ago we heard his new song, Amen, on the radio; they instantly loved it. There must be something about his voice, but regardless when all seems to have gone haywire, it brings the screaming to a halt most time.

The definition of Amen means “it is so; so be it.” As I have listened to the words of this song over and over again, it has become an ever true proclamation from me to God agreeing with his call over my life.

The screaming hasn’t subsided much. The chaos hasn’t lessened and as Brock likes to say often, “Whoever said this gets easier was straight up lying.” We were in a desperate state of hope for that first year to come, praying the days would be easier. In some ways they have. Ayden sleeps in now until about 6:30 which is huge strides from 4:15 daily. Breast-feeding is over which gives me a lot more time back in my day. Ayden and Elle are walking and talking some which makes them a tad more self-sufficient.

But in a lot of ways it has only amplified. Ayden and Elle are by far my busiest babies. Separately or together the two of them are into everything. Everything. They fight just as much if not more than they play together. They are both my most outgoing so I think they get bored at times which brings on the screaming. They are also my most temper driven babies and have a lot of aggression. Both are independent and stubborn. It is honestly like I birthed two first-born leaders simultaneously.

One of the lines from the song Amen says, “Every mountain, every valley, ever since the day you found me, I can’t get over what you’ve done for me, That’s why I gotta sing amen.”

Most days feel like mountains and valleys all in one. I know every mom can relate and the typical day is very similar.

So much joy:

The twinner-winners are at my all time favorite stage. Ayden sprints and Elle pigeon toe toddles. They love music and dancing. They hold hands and pray at dinner together. They hide behind the curtains and have little pow wows. As destructive as they are, both Ayden and Elle can also be so helpful because, like the boys, they are observant.

For some reason their favorite room in the house is the salon. I’m just thankful it is no longer my bathroom (it’s a close second though). They get all product off the shelf and put it back on repeatedly as there is a smog of hairspray fumes coming out of the door. Along with fighting over who is in the chair and who is spinning. They also both love our little blue truck, if Elle is convincing enough Ayden ends up pushing her in it.

There has been so much joy in watching Case morph into a young boy. I can’t believe I have a five year old. Casen is truly so dependable. He has a great gage for right and wrong and is quick to protect his siblings. I can trust him to watch over the twins if I need to get ready upstairs. He loves art and most days during nap time we are painting or coloring. A few weekends ago he decided he was going to ride his two wheeler and we never really practiced before. That’s just him, when he gets something in his head he is determined to succeed but oh so hard on himself in the process; my little perfectionist. Being so serious for so long he has developed a silly streak as well that’s amusing to see unfold.

Trey is trying to be more independent even though he is naturally not, at all. He has a song in his heart and he truly walks to a beat of his own. He is sensitive beyond belief and very compassionate. He is a home-body and particular about who he is around. He loves to wear Casen's shoes and most of the time on the wrong feet. He is trying to get out of taking naps but crashing by 5 if he doesn’t. His laugh is the best thing ever and the smallest thing gets him going, he has such a fun spirit. He’s also our police man and very quick to point out what everyone else is doing.

In the midst of all that joy there is also so much frustration in trying to be a mommy to the glory of God. But no matter what my days look like, I begin and end them with amen. ‘It is so, So be it.’

I felt like I had it pretty much all together before the twins and realized I very much didn’t after Ayden and Elle came. I very seldom felt weak. Now I feel weak every day, and praise God for that. I know I can boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses so that Christ’s power may rest on me. For when I am weak in the flesh, I can be strong in the Spirit. My dependency on Jesus has grown in much needed ways. And although I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t weary from all the refining, I know it is for my good.

So be it if the twins decide to cry most of the day, I am to care for them the way the Lord cares so tenderly for me. So be it if the screaming in my home is louder than my voice, I am to speak graciously and kindly. So be it if I don’t get much done in a day other than feeding and cleaning up after the feedings, the Lord has control of my day and he is bleeding out my desires for the nurturing of my kids. So be it if my shirt should be black and white from the constant refereeing, my job is to teach these babies how to love someone who isn’t loving them back. Just like Jesus did for you and me as He died on the cross.

It is so that I am being refined, sanctified and humbled. It is so that I am realizing how amazing and deep the Father’s love is. It is so that it is hard and the weight of all my failures in a day can seem crushing. But it is also so that I am being made into the image of Christ.

That’s why I’ve got to sing Amen.