A Decade

I sat in the corner of my dorm room closet talking to a guy on the phone I hardly knew, well into the next morning, about things normal people waited until they were actually dating to talk about. Not that night. The Lord had given Brock such a boldness and confidence that was unlike himself, talking to me and it clearly worked. I knew after that phone call Brock was going to push me outside of my comfort zone and oh my, how that has been true.

That summer together was a very fitting foretelling into what our relationship would be like. Here are two of my favorite memories that summarize what I mean.

Brock drove a green 1997 Oldsmobile. We had been working out at Wabash and when we went to leave his car battery had died. I’m not sure the last time his battery had been replaced seeing that it was completely corroded. So what should have been a few minute fix turned into much longer. When we finally retrieved the battery I told Brock he would want the battery with him to know the size and model. Brock argued with me that all car batteries were the same. I insisted that the battery in my parents 15 passenger van wouldn’t be the same battery that went into his car. He wouldn’t hear it and we left the battery and the Oldsmobile behind on our way to get a new one. As we enter into the store, I could instantly tell Brock knew I was right from the slew of varieties of batteries to choose from. But refusing to admit that, Brock walks over, picks some joe shmo of a battery and from there I have never seen the man walk more confidently to do something. Brock marched up to the checkout, forcefully puts the battery on the counter and declares, “I’d like to buy this battery.” The store associate looks up at him, slowly looks over at me as I am smirking ear to ear and says, “uh yeah, okay, what kind of car do you have?” We then go back into the store to find the right battery for his Oldsmobile. I knew then I’d be the practical of the operation.

The other is when I was in hair school. I had started paying for some of my student loans from my year at Indiana Wesleyan and was also paying on the interest for my loan in hair school. I was working every day after hair school but at a minimum wage job so between those two bills, gas and the random necessities I needed each month; my bank account was nothing. (Truly, I had $34 dollars to my name after our wedding was over) I remember one night as I was talking to Brock on the phone while I wrote my two checks for the month, he asked me, “Well what about your tithe?” I remember being quiet for awhile and then giving him all my excuses as to how I couldn’t do it. But he insisted that I needed to and told me God would always provide for me. I knew then Brock was the heart of the operation.

We could not be more different. There are countless examples like those two from our last 10 years, not much has changed. I remember around five years of marriage asking him how we fell in love because outside of Jesus, we have nothing in common. But that truly is the beauty of it. We have called one another our missing puzzle piece from the beginning. Every area I am weak he is strong and vice versa. It’s a beautiful thing when you can accept the other and love the other as they need loved. It is an incredibly difficult thing to do when you don’t want to put in that work. Praise God that the love in a marriage isn’t intended to be a choice, but a covenant between two people before God. Because God is love.

He sent his only son to die a death I was deserving of dying. And as Jesus hung on the cross with the weight of my sin and your sin upon him, he loved me. He loved me as I pushed him to the side most of my up bringing or only sought him when it was convenient. He loved me as I consistently sinned and shamed his name. He loved me when I finally saw myself as a sinner in need of a savior, wanting a relationship with my creator.

I am to model that same love in my marriage. That consistent pursuit no matter how I am being treated because I am representing a covenant much greater than just how I feel about Brock, it pushes me to endure and fight through the really hard. I think every married couple would agree that marriage isn’t necessarily easy. But shoot fire, why wouldn’t you want to work at it to make it fun? Because it really can be so much fun, Brock is honest to goodness my best friend.

He is the one I want to hear from in a day. The first one I want to call when something good happens. Brock is kind and continues to help me with my truthful words that are not always seasoned with grace. He is fun with the kids and pushes me to not have to do the dishes right away or pick up that mess later. He is our planner, dreamer and schemer. Without him our kids would not have college funds, we wouldn’t go on vacations and I would have no plan for the future. Brock is incredibly generous and consistently encourages me to trust God with the money God has given us better than we could use it ourselves. He is the wiper of my tears and my listening ear. But more than anything Brock has made me want to be more like Jesus. And not because he is perfect, but because his heart is humble to do what God wants him to do. What a gift that is.

I still feel like we are just kids 10 years in and yet life looks so incredibly different from that first year. We said we had this marriage thing in the bag when we got through our first year and hardly had a fight. Then realty set in. Here is to a decade of seeking Jesus together and looking more like him than we did. Here is to a decade in ministry together and learning to ask for help. Here is to a decade of fights, intimacy, sanctification and joy. Here is to a decade of learning to love you, Brock Graham. I wouldn’t want to live life or work at this with anyone else. Happy Anniversary, my love.