I clung to the steering wheel as I drove to Hillary’s house. Everyone was screaming at me. I had been notified of a showing two hours earlier and so the frantic psycho came out in me. I was breastfeeding Ayden and Elle when I got the text. Instantly I started commanding orders to my 2 and 4 year old.

Once the twins were done eating, I started frantically running around getting the house cleaned as the twins crawled after me screaming. It was only the first week of our house being on the market but this was a consistent theme for them. They followed me, screaming at my feet as I got ready for a showing. The last thing I would do each time was mop the downstairs, but first I would load everyone up in the van with a movie on while I mopped as I walked out the door. This particular day the showing had come around lunch time, so by the time I got into the van the twins were ticked and the boys were screaming that they were hungry.

As I was driving I thought, "This is too much!” When we decided to list the house, I had committed to not constantly be on the boys about making a mess, but once a showing notification came my demeanor was clearly causing the twins to feel unsettled. I also didn’t like how frazzled I felt myself, to be honest.

We turned the corner into Hillary’s neighborhood and I saw it. An eagle was hovering over her house. I pointed and shouted, “You guys! Look, an eagle!” As we pulled into her driveway I gripped the steering wheel a little harder as I tried to peer up through the windshield to see it. I watched it land in the tree directly to my left. I opened my van door and stared at this massive bird right in front of me.

Instantly Isaiah 40:31 came to mind, “But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength: they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.”

This overwhelming peace came over me, and wouldn’t you know it, the crying had stopped too. As we walked into the house I thought, “I need to take a picture of this.” But just as soon as I had the thought, the eagle was gone.

As I told Brock later that day of how visibly the Lord encouraged me, he was pulling up pictures of eagles on google to show me, questioning whether I had truly seen an eagle. (Insert the annoyed emoji here.) I knew what I saw and felt so humbled that the Lord chose to encourage me and convict me in such a visual way.

My hope had gone from a dependency on Jesus to sell our house when he saw fit, to it all depended on me to have everything at this state of perfection that was just not attainable for the life stage of my family. What’s worse, the Lord had prompted this conviction in me before we even put our house on the market. I knew more than anything it would be a lesson for myself and one week in I had already failed. There is a reason God tells us to wait on him.

I thought of this story as we drove to North Myrtle Beach in July. Technically it was a “hot spot,” masks were being required in all establishments, and I started feeling fearful even after we got there. I knew the reality was we would live at the beach and in our room. But the ‘what if’s’ started speaking louder than the truth.

During nap time one day while there, I was crushed with the reality of what was really going on in my own heart. I was reading in the book of Numbers when a group of Israelite men had gone into the land of Canaan to check it out. They came back and gave a report to Moses, Aaron and all of the people. To summarize it for you, Numbers 13:27-30 are the facts given of the land. Verses 31-33 turns into the men (besides Joshua and Caleb) giving the facts twisted with fear-based opinions. And then Numbers 14:1-4 is the fear-based result that causes a rebellion in the Israelites hearts and minds.

Fear twists a lot of things. It can make reality look foggy and make decisions daunting. There is a reason the Bible tells us, ”Only fear the Lord and serve Him faithfully with all your heart. For consider what great things he has done for you.” 1 Samuel 12:24

Where is my hope? My hope is in Jesus. To trust him with my life, with Brock’s and with these four incredible kids he has entrusted to me. I cannot live in fear of the what if’s. It distracts me from my purpose to make disciples. Instead, I know I need to pray a lot more than I do. I need to seek the Lord’s wisdom each and every day. To ultimately live in fear of my God alone.

If your hope is resting in not getting sick, how your kids reflect you, this next job satisfying, your new house being better, or being a good ( insert your role here). It is going to be hard for you to feel secure because your hope is set in things other than Jesus. 1 Timothy 4 :10 says, “For to this end we toil and strive, because we have our hope set on the living God, who is the Savior of all people, especially of those who believe.”

One day sooner or later all that is going to matter is whether or not we have a relationship with God the Father through our Lord, Jesus Christ. I know my hope needs reset daily, to remember what really matters and not get swept up in all that is going on around me. Because just as soon as the COVID craze finally ends something else will take its place. That is why our foundation needs to be in Jesus. Psalm 62:2, “He only is my rock and my salvation, my stronghold; I shall not be greatly shaken.”

It’s like that old hymn , “Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in his wonderful face, and the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of his glory and grace.” Renew your strength in the Lord, friends.

Where is your hope?